The Benefit

So I’ve spent alot of hours listening to other peoples problems, days being the reliable one, and years taking care of the people I care about.

I’ve been loved, I have loved and I’ve been in love. Just when I think I’m close to figuring women out they remind me, I have no idea. I do know that caring about someone has nothing to do with yourself and everything to do with them. Being attentive, supportive and judgment free goes along way with friends and lovers.

I try my best not to leave when I care about someone, try to make things work, try to find understanding even when the situation is past the point of being understood. I’ve been left behind, starting with Daddy, working my way through friends and then lovers. I understand that everyone gets left behind at some point. I admit that I have been the one to leave at times.

Understanding…. now I have a major problem with the concept. At my core I believe understanding is love, so I’ve tried to understand. Truthfully? I don’t get it. I don’t understand most of the people in my life. I have no clue what motivates them, and freely admit that they are an ever changing mystery to me.

Respect is a foreign concept to many. How many people can honestly say they respect the people in their lives? The kind of respect that is awe inspiring? Motivates you to try new things? To work harder? Respect that just makes you want to wake up each day a better person than you were the day before.

And honesty??? Wow. Its a GREAT idea… when its put into practice. It starts with you. Explaining yourself, proving yourself, respecting yourself, admitting when you are wrong, being dissapointed in yourself and taking steps to change it. You can’t give anyone something you can’t give yourself.

I try too hard, I care too much, I love too hard, and I want great things for the people I care about. It would be so easy to just toe the line and be like everyone else. Unfortunately…. I’d rather be me.

– Nova