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In the Beginning…
In the beginning there was the word, and the word was, “Hey mama, how are you today?” And we said, “Let there be light,” and opened our hearts up to the possibilities in a woman.
Is she for real? Is she the one? I hope she is sincere. She makes me feel so… damn… GOOD.
Step by step we prepare for the journey we will take to figure this one out. We smile when we think of her & whenever someone says her name. We catch ourselves daydreaming about her throughout our day. We long to feel her touch on our skin… and we WANT her.
We want her in our lives, so we make subtle changes to provide a place for her in it: seeing her on our lunch break, talking until 3 or 4 in the morning on the phone, random text messages all day and going to places that we wouldn’t have considered only two months prior.
Our pulses race when we smell her perfume. We get misty eyed when we make love, the ‘butterflies’ when we see her, and we want to touch her. We ALWAYS want to touch her: to let her know how much we care, to try and figure out where her thoughts are instead of just asking, “What are you thinking?” We want to touch her so we can FEEL and STAY connected… to make sure she is real, and to keep her with us.
“Do I deserve her?”
“She is too good to be true.”
“Something is bound to go wrong.”
“I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“Can this woman really love me?”
“Can I TOUCH her Spirit?”
“Can she MOVE mine?”
In the beginning there was the word, and the word was, “Hey mama, how are you today?”
And when we said, “Let there be light,” we opened our hearts up to the possibility of THIS woman.
Do we embrace her and the experience… willing to accept whatever comes… knowing we are on the cusp of all of our dreams coming true or blinding heartbreak?
Do we accept the possibility of getting burned in order to dance in the fire? Or do we protect ourselves and walk away from the possibility of one the greatest joys ever intended for us?
Do we hold on to fear and hold back from her… when she may be the answer to the question we have been asking God since before we were born?
I don’t know about you,
But If God has an answer, I’m listening
– Nova
Ninth Wonder…
(For the Most Important Woman in My Life)
She’s a strong woman, bold and wildly independent, has a heart like gold… a tongue sharp, like a razors edge but with an angel’s soul.
I watch her closely, yes… I’m forever trying to figure her out. She’s a walking contradiction, at times insecure, at times reckless but mostly just… proud.
She has pretty brown skin, and a voice like an angel… with eyes like fire, she’s the first… the first woman I adored, the first I admired.
She’s my source of affection, the first to show me love…. says she prayed for me everyday… till I was sent from up above.
In dark times, it’s her voice telling me things will get better, to not let faith go out of reach… and whenever I’m in her presence my spirit finds the most amazing sense of peace.
During times of unimaginable hurt… she tries to take the weight of my burdens… to lift me up, gives my spirit a boost… takes the world onto her shoulders… she fights with me… she fights for me, she fights for me over… and over…
She says if she could teach me two things…
The first would be to always remember the best parts of myself… even when the flaws seem to be too many. Beauty comes from treating others well… she said BEAUTY… not PRETTY.
The second is simple… no matter how much you may want something… no matter how often prayers for it may flow… there are times when the best answer God can give to you is very simply just… ‘No’.
I walk in her footsteps hoping everyday to make her proud… she’s my best friend, the love of my life, she’s the ninth wonder… She’s my heartbeat… my support system… I’m honored because she’s my mother.
Happy Birthday Mom you are my heartbeat 1/10/46 :-*
Love you always…. – Nova
The Benefit
So I’ve spent alot of hours listening to other peoples problems, days being the reliable one, and years taking care of the people I care about.
I’ve been loved, I have loved and I’ve been in love. Just when I think I’m close to figuring women out they remind me, I have no idea. I do know that caring about someone has nothing to do with yourself and everything to do with them. Being attentive, supportive and judgment free goes along way with friends and lovers.
I try my best not to leave when I care about someone, try to make things work, try to find understanding even when the situation is past the point of being understood. I’ve been left behind, starting with Daddy, working my way through friends and then lovers. I understand that everyone gets left behind at some point. I admit that I have been the one to leave at times.
Understanding…. now I have a major problem with the concept. At my core I believe understanding is love, so I’ve tried to understand. Truthfully? I don’t get it. I don’t understand most of the people in my life. I have no clue what motivates them, and freely admit that they are an ever changing mystery to me.
Respect is a foreign concept to many. How many people can honestly say they respect the people in their lives? The kind of respect that is awe inspiring? Motivates you to try new things? To work harder? Respect that just makes you want to wake up each day a better person than you were the day before.
And honesty??? Wow. Its a GREAT idea… when its put into practice. It starts with you. Explaining yourself, proving yourself, respecting yourself, admitting when you are wrong, being dissapointed in yourself and taking steps to change it. You can’t give anyone something you can’t give yourself.
I try too hard, I care too much, I love too hard, and I want great things for the people I care about. It would be so easy to just toe the line and be like everyone else. Unfortunately…. I’d rather be me.
– Nova
The Apology Letter
To the Family that’s gone;
I’m sorry for those of you that passed without being able to say goodbye, I’m sorry so many of you have lost so much this year. I’m sorry my choices may disappoint you, I’m sorry I look so much like my mama some of you can’t look at me, I’m sorry I have my daddy’s “I don’t give a f*ck” attitude, and I’m sorry water is thicker than our blood. I’m sorry so many of you are loose in the bootie, I’m sorry you expect a lot of something when you give a lot of nothing., I’m sorry I gave you so many chances but most of all I’m sorry we can’t CHOOSE family.
To the Friends that came and went;
I’m sorry I couldn’t make those impossible things to happen for you, I’m sorry that my support in YOU was less important to you than my support in your WALLET. I’m sorry that you’re so worried about being prettier than me, I’m sorry I don’t think your girl is hot, I’m sorry your girl thinks I’m hot. I’m sorry that taking time to get to know each other was less important to you than spending time at the club. I’m sorry you felt the need to compete, (I don’t compete), I’m sorry if I made you feel insecure, and while I’m not sorry I met you I am sorry I wasted so much time on you.
To the Lovers that weren’t meant to be;
I’m sorry we are ‘exes’, I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you, I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted, I’m sorry I cared enough to be afraid for you when you weren’t smart enough to be afraid for yourself, I’m sorry I tried so hard, I’m sorry I thought having a roof over your head and food in your tummy was more important than having movie tickets and fancy clothes. I’m sorry my azz was too big for you, I’m sorry you were too young for me, I’m sorry I wanted you to fulfill your dreams, I’m sorry I think rent is more important than a weekend ‘ski trip’, I’m sorry I think the electric bill is more important than the cable bill. I’m sorry I hurt you, but most importantly I’m sorry I gave you the power to hurt me.
To the Readers;
Family is more about how you treat each other than who you share DNA with. Friends are CHOSEN family. Lovers are the answer to the question your heart has been asking.
I’m sorry for all of your hurts and I’m sorry for mine. I’m sorry it’s those hurts that make us stronger, I’m sorry disappointments make us better, I’m sorry failure makes us try harder, I’m sorry it helps to shape who we are and I’m sorry we will do it all over again.
Love Always…
Nova
Her Perfect Place…
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking…. thinking… thinking… about my lover and her perfect place, can’t find it on a map, it’s not a zip code, and it isn’t someplace she will have to fly… it’s her final destination… this place between my thighs.
I need to straddle her while we cuddle, massaging her scalp, rubbing noses… rubbing lips… placing kisses across her forehead, while held tight in her embrace.
I need our bodies in a tangle at night… so I can watch her sleep, feel her breathe… and count her heartbeats.
I need my legs wrapped around her waist during random bits conversation… center to center, heart to heart… and face to face.
I need her here between my thighs… with no room for air, just her heat and mine. I need to feel her lips sucking on my clit in that sweet… sweet… eternal kiss. I need her body moist and ready moving on top of mine. I need to watch her face and feel her muscles spasm during that special explosion. Being honest… I just need her.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking…. thinking… thinking… about my lover and my perfect place, can’t find it on a map, it’s not a zip code, and it isn’t someplace I will have to fly… it’s my final destination… that place between her thighs.
– Nova
Never So Deep…
When I met you my heart sang an expectant song…
A simple melody that played… all day long.
When we talked, I thought clouds left the sky…
There was sunshine again… and I thought I knew why.
When I touched you I imagined my breath picked up its pace…
Looking for that pulsing throb waiting for my heart to race.
When I kissed you it was easy for me to ignore…
The Soul God made for me is rich in all things, while you… were emotionally poor.
Judging by your cover, when I met you I chose to overlook…
There were only burned pages… inside of your book.
Two souls going in different directions…
One embracing in chaos… the other in need of protection
When we talked, reality settled…
It was over before it started… every day… a battle.
You made me doubt myself, and feel I was no good…
I don’t know why I expected better from a kid whose life is the hood.
When we touched… we both pulled back…
Was it a lack of interest… or a lack of respect?
I am glad I met you; I will always remember your face.
Ladies; Never give your heart to someone who has decided their life is a waste.
When I kissed you, when I tried to connect…
I knew you were someone… I’d rather forget.
My heart was willing, ready to love, eager for a new start…
I did not understand and was unprepared for my lack of heart.
You were a tortured soul… having been through hell and back,
Years of drama, hate and deceit make for a spirit… painted black.
You choose to mistreat the ones willing to help you stand tall…
And now I watch as the people you embrace… let you fall.
It has been said if you sleep with dogs you catch fleas…
I crawled through the mud and was surprised I had dirt… all over me.
They say certain life lessons are not learned until you hit rock bottom.
I say you are my darkest hour, my biggest mistake…
And my worst decision …
Before I met you… bottom had never been so deep.
For Shade
– Nova
