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Still Learning…
As women we tend to take on the battles of our loved ones as though they are our own. The need to nurture and protect that comes naturally to us is exposed to everyone… Nature’s worst kept secret.
As a result we are left open and vulnerable to the ones we care for. We listen as they tell us personal horror stories about things ‘done’ to them. We become offended on their behalf. Anger is bred where there was none before and then it begins… the urge to defend and protect. Making it easy to get wrapped up in a loved one’s drama…
“I can’t believe you think that about my friend…”
“Don’t mess with my man…”
“She had no reason to do this…”
“He had no right to say that…”
“They come for you… they have to go through me first…”
Funny how the very LAST thing to occur to us is what our loved one may have done to bring the events upon themselves.
What kind of Karma have they earned?
What type of person is this individual outside of the persona they have built for us?
What type of person is this individual outside of the bubble we have built for them?
How do they treat men?
Do they have respect for women?
Do they play nice with others?
Does doing the right thing ever occur to them?
Is he really that oblivious?
Is she really evil deep down in her spirit?
Are they just that clueless?
Which face… which act… is the REAL face… the GENUINE act?
Defending those we love is the easiest thing in the world… it comes naturally.
That defense puts all of our energy into keeping the perceived danger at bay…
Slapping down the immediate threat…
Squashing anyone who would dare insult, ridicule, hurt, or harm someone we care for…
Leaving us open to whatever harm may be directed at us… from the very person we are working to protect.
I can spend time trying to figure out if some people I’ve invested in are the walking embodiment of EVIL… instead I choose to shrug and say… “I refuse to step into the void with you.”
An Unknown Author wrote: Isn’t it ironic? We IGNORE those who adore us… ADORE those who ignore us…. HURT those who love us… and LOVE those who hurt us.
Is this really the secret nature of people? I’m confused.
The concept of: ‘treating others the way you wish to be treated…’ is that real? Or BS someone came up with to sell a T-Shirt?
The ideal of: ‘Say what you mean… and mean what you say…’ a personal truth or just a catchy turn of phrase?
Allan Roberts said: “You always hurt the one you love”
A variation of the American Wiccan Rede; “Do what you will… so long as it harms none”
We all grew up hearing the story about the wolf in sheep’s clothing…
What they didn’t tell us:
That wolf is just passing through… and will move on after its meal. The REAL danger comes from the familiar… the KNOWN not the UNKNOWN. The long term damage will always come from our fellow sheep. I guess part of being a grown up is learning to be watchful for the wolf… and separate yourself from the sheep.
It’s amazing how the word ‘friendship’ can mean so many different things to so many different people. We don’t want to seem pessimistic by running around telling everyone to watch their backs yet I’ve learned four simple truths:
1 The one that is quick to point out how negative someone else is… is secretly the most negative person in the room.
2 The one constantly questioning your motives… is usually the one doing the dirt.
3 The one everyone begs you to stay away from… is probably the one you need to RUN AWAY from.
4 The one quick to point out a flaw in another person…”too short… too dark… too fat… too ugly…” is usually the one with the least amount of love for themselves.
As humans we tend to forget that everyone’s life path is their own. While we can walk with them… view their progress from the sidelines or leave them to their journey… we should but rarely remember our path is our own.
Choosing to walk with a loved one does not make THEIR destination YOUR destination.
Choosing to walk with a loved one does not mean the lessons designed for THEM must be learned by YOU.
Choosing to walk with a loved one does not make YOU valuable or necessary in THEIR life.
Not all offers of friendship are genuine.
Apparently for some… they hurt the ones they love… AND the ones they don’t give a fuck about IN EQUAL MEASURE.
Does it really matter which one you are to them?
Some just have a NEED to BE hurtful…
Some reel you in… inspired to wreck havoc on your life and on your peace of mind….
I have no interest in being a victim.
I’ll figure it out…
The world is full of predators.
What does it take to recognize this in a person?
*shrugs*
I’m STILL learning…
– Nova
Pa Pè Anyen…
Smoke rises…
Darkness falls…
She is silent… observant…
Her body moves in shadow… slow… and with purpose…
In rhythm with her stride she hums a soft tune… low… and melodious…
The sound dreams are made of…
There are things that go bump in the night…
They slide over the ground… watchful…
They move sinuous… restless… and with malicious intent…
Doubt… Envy… Anger… Fear…
The things failure is made of…
But she remains fearless…
Forging her own path… untouched by chaos…
Led by an inner light…
Smoke rises…
Silent… observant…
Darkness falls…
A soldier…
The sun will shine again…
Her mind is set… her plan in motion…
Tonight she moves in shadow… slow… and with purpose…
In rhythm with her stride she hums a soft tune… low… and melodious…
The sound dreams are made of…
There are things that go bump in the night…
They slide over the ground… watchful…
They move sinuous… restless… and with malicious intent…
Doubt… Envy… Anger… Fear…
The things failure is made of…
Yet she is fearless…
Forging her own path…
Calm and resolute through madness…
Led by an inner light…
A warrior…
– Nova
For Draka Hunt
Umm… ok… THIS is different…
She stated calmly… and plainly…
“You’ve been up since 5AM…
that’s a long day…
I know you’d be tired when you get home…
so allow me to take care of you…”
Now THOSE are definitely words I’ve never heard before.
Say it again…
*whispers* ” I like it” lol
– Nova
I Got Over Myself…
(Response to my ‘Get Over Yourself’ posted 4/11/11’)
So I said:
• Stop making quality women pay for the mistakes of the useless women YOU picked.
• Stop complaining about the abuse you sign up for and allow.
• Stop making quality women jump through hoops to prove themselves to you. Don’t ask for things you are incapable of giving.
You want a quality woman? Make sure YOU deserve her first.
Yet I here is what I did… more than once.
• I viewed women of questionable character favorably because I cared about them. Their actual quality played no part… some were rubbish… others corn fed how fabulous they were by other women for so long they believe it and expect you to fall in line… no matter what they say or do to you… no matter how they treat YOU.
• While I didn’t complain about the abuses I signed up for and allowed, I held onto to them… marinated in them for a bit and let them change me and my view of people… my view of love.
• I’ve never made anyone jump through hoops… either it worked… or it didn’t. No more no less… but I allowed others to put those hoops before me, and yes… like a trained dog I jumped. Silly me.
I have my list of qualifiers for love and relationships just like anyone else. I need a quality woman… and I put in the work to deserve her. The trouble is… I no longer believe she exists. I used to view love objectively glass half full and half empty because it really is BOTH. Now? I’d rather go swimming. Keep that glass altogether.
Someone told me yesterday they can’t wait for the day someone sweeps me off my feet… the truth is I’ve always done the sweeping… and now I’m done. I’ve been wooed… and WELL… flowers… candy… edible arrangements… poetry… love songs… gifts… EFFORT; I’ve even had a star named after me. I’ve been with women who thought I was intimidating… amazing… beautiful… wonderful… sh*t I’ve been LOVED and LOVED WELL.
I’ve given as good as I got in equal measure… but sometimes things just don’t work.
So many women are sitting around looking for ‘Ms. Right’ or settling for ‘Ms. Right Now’… truthfully I don’t care anymore. There is so much more to life than the person who warms your bed. I’m dating… playing the ‘getting to know you game’… and hopeful about love… I just don’t have faith in it anymore.
People value the wrong things… they covet the wrong things… and they make permanent decisions based on those wrong things. I’m guilty… I’ve done it… so no judgments here. I just choose to live differently from now on. I want peace of mind… so I’m living my life. I just want to be happy… so I’m doing it FOR MYSELF.
We need to love ourselves completely… the good the bad and the ugly… before we can give love to someone else in a healthy way. I embrace my good… I’m working on my bad… I acknowledge and respect the ugly because… ‘it just be like that sometimes’… I’m loving ME.
It’s the easiest thing in the world to blame the other person when things fall apart… I accept the role I chose to play in every bad situation. In the end… we give people the power to hurt us. I made the decision to give it… and now I’ve made the decision to take it back.
My heart is my own. Mine… to love my loves the best way I know how. God gave me a lot of love to give… I do both him and myself a disservice by giving it freely and in abundance to people who neither want it… or give it proper value.
I’ve said “I’ve been bent but not broken”… People talk about heart break all the time… but my heart wasn’t broken… it was ripped open… and I had to heal around that wound. It was a slow painful process but I am healed.
I have LOVED… real… ‘Mind bending… can’t eat … can’t sleep… she’s the most amazing thing in creation… need to put her needs first’ LOVE.
I fight for the ones I love… I protect them… even from themselves.
I’ve been loved and WELL but… I’ve never been loved LIKE THAT.
When someone will love me like that… then I will pay attention…
I will thank God for her every day and I will move both Heaven and Earth to make sure she is safe and happy…
I will make the decision EVERY DAY… to choose HER.
Until then… until someone CHOOSES to give ME that kind of love… I choose LIFE.
*shrugs* “It just be like that sometimes.”
– Nova
Shelter…
I was up early that morning. It was peaceful… quiet… summer was coming. We didn’t have much of a spring this year, just cold… cold… and more cold. I was in the kitchen… prepping for dinner tonight… next I would start cleaning the house… top to bottom. Busy… I had to keep busy or I would lose my mind. So many things were going on at once, family problems… friendship drama… chaos at work. My brain was on over drive searching for solutions… Looking for answers. It was overwhelming… Exhausting really. The only thing that was clear and a source of true peace was my love. She was my shelter through every storm. She kept me sane. Made me feel safe. Last night when we talked she seemed distracted. “She’s worried about me…” I thought on a sigh. Things would be so much simpler if she didn’t know certain things… but she read me like a book… Always knew when something was on my mind…. And besides, I tried that a few times in the early days… Keeping things from her. The result was disaster… I don’t think angry is an adequate word to use. She was livid… With me… For not dumping my problems on her. “I’m here for you. What part of that don’t you understand!?” she would rave…Oh I understand… now. I’m always there for her… It’s in my nature. She hates that I struggle with asking for help… especially from her. It took quite a bit of work to get me to open up to her but this time it was so different and so much… *sigh* I don’t like running to anyone. I don’t like relying on anyone… but mostly… I don’t like needing anyone. “Too bad. Learn to love it… cause I’m not going anywhere.” she pretty much growls at me lol. Damn I love that woman. I can’t help but smile.
I walked to the back door, standing in the open doorway I looked up at the overcast sky. Dark clouds were forming in the distance, looked like we were in for a huge storm… my kind of weather. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply… Yes rain was definitely coming. I sensed more than heard when she was behind me. Catching her scent on the breeze my eyes flew open in surprise as her arms came around me to hug me from behind… I love that and she knows it… “Babe! How are you here!? How did you get in? Why are you…” I said in a breathless rush as she kissed my cheek and put a finger over my lips. “Shhh… I flew in this morning… You gave me a key remember and… You need me.” she answered quietly. Ahhh yes.., the key… The source of all of my anxiety during her last visit, I’d never given anyone a key before. “What about Ely?” I asked breathless as her hands slid up to cup my breasts and kneed them in the way I love so much. “You know he loves me.., besides I brought him a bone.” Traitor I thought… So my dog wouldn’t sound the alarm to announce company if he loved them and they bribed him with a bone… Hmm we needed to talk. She backed into the house pulling me with her and I shut and locked the back door. We stood that way for a time… Her face buried in my neck… My eyes closed breathing her in… Her arms around my waste and my fingers stroking hers. Finally I pulled away from her and stepped toward the sink. “Do you want anything? Coffee… Breakfast?” I asked. She watched me closely… “Just you… And just you.” she answered… Her voice gravelly and hot. I backed away slowly out of the kitchen into the dining room… “umm… Where is your bag? How long can you stay?” breathless… I was breathless… Heart racing. Yes… I was running smh. She was the only person who could ever make me run. She followed me… Her movements purposeful… I backed away.,. and she stalked me like a wolf stalks prey. I sat on the desk I used as a buffet and took a deep breath… Something was on her mind. “What’s wrong Love?” I asked quietly. Things were good between us… Had been for a while. So I waited … Expectant for her answer. What’s that theory? Whatever can go wrong… will go wrong.
She watched me for a while…then sighed… “Baby come here.” she said quietly. I looked away and stayed put… sitting on the desk… Wearily watching her. “Come… here.” she said slowly… A note of steel now in her voice. I looked away from her and stayed put on the desk. Suddenly she was standing in front of me, “look at me.” My body responded to the demand on her voice smh… And my eyes met hers. “I love you.” she said quietly. “I love you too…” I answered immediately. “now tell me…” she demanded… And I told her… About all of the things that had been on my mind… The things I was worried about… And the things I hadn’t been comfortable with telling her. She listened… Standing between my open thighs… Hands on either side of me… Leaning in close. She listened… No one had ever done that for me before. Just… Listened. When I ran out of steam and took a deep breath… She nodded… And asked “is that everything?” reluctantly I nodded. ” I’m not going to ask why you didn’t tell me. I’m just going to say. Never again. Whenever you have a problem… Whenever you need to talk. I’m here. That’s it. No hesitation… No excuses. Do you understand?” My natural independence reared its ugly head. WTF? Did she really think I would run to her every time I had a problem? As usual she looked at my face and knew exactly what I was thinking. On a sigh she said… “baby… You can’t ask me for something you’re not willing to give.” Damn!!!! I hated it when she made sense!
I nodded… “I understand…” I whispered back…. Then the rain started. She came in close to hug me… She knew how much I loved that too. She pulled me in tightly… Until my body was flush against hers. “I missed you…” she whispered before gently kissing me on the forehead ” I missed you too..” I said on a smile… As I leaned back to look up at her.. She watched me… There she was again… A wolf with prey… “show me…” she growled. My heart thumped loudly in my chest… Damn I love this woman I thought again as I plunged my hands into her hair and pulled her face closer… Closer… Before Lightly flicking my lounge over her bottom lip. She stood still as a statue as I kissed her… Softly at first… Sucking on her bottom lip. She didn’t touch me… We just kissed… All of the stress dissolving into the familiar passion that only she could bring. My arms wrapped around her neck and my legs slid up to wrap around her waist to pull her closer… I was already wet… And sitting as I was the heat of my secret center came to rest against her navel. On a moan she lost it… Her hands flew up to grasp mine and put them back on the desk. She pushed against me in a slow grind that made my mind go blank. Her kiss turned hot… And sinful… Her lounge stroking mine in a long… Slick dance that promised wild and naughty things. When I reached for her again she broke our kiss to growl and shakes her head no. I moaned “I miss having you inside of me…” her eyes grew heavy as she but her bottom lip and lifted my leg slowly over her shoulder… Pressing kisses against my calf. My breath now came in ragged pants… “Baby…” I began and she shook her head no… As her tongue flicked out to trace the sweet spot behind my knee… “Oooh…” I gasped The rain was coming down now… outside the storm raged.
She dropped to her knees in front of me… And brought my other leg over her shoulder pulling me closer to the edge of the desk. My summer dress was pooled between my open thighs. My pussy throbbed as she leaned in close to take a deep breath… Then another… “You smell so good…” she said with a note of surprise… She was always surprised lol. She leaned in and rubbed her face against me… Through my dress. I was soaked… With no panties on… The dress was suddenly bunched around my waste… And I felt the whisper of her breath against me… One deep breath against my clit… Two… And then that first hot sweep of her lounge down one side of my clit… Then up the other. I shuddered involuntarily… She always made me feel soft and pink… My body branded by her in a way I could never describe. I lost my grip of the desk on a moan and wound up propped on my elbows… Head thrown back on a short scream as her lips closed around my clit. Her lips drew it in and out in a slow caress that had me panting… heart racing… And my thighs quivering in a way that I didn’t fully understand. Her lounge slid over my wetness.., sampling me… Testing my essence… Then her arms came up to grip my thighs and pull me closer. Her lips were on me again… Sliding across my clit in long hot strokes that drove me wild and had me cum in one long, shuddering and unexpected rush.
She drew back and stood suddenly as my body tried to come back together and I gasped for air. “stand up” she demanded… Her voice a low growl… Just like a wolf… That’s what she was to me… An alpha… My alpha… Staking her claim. On shaky legs I stood before her still trying to catch my breath… She grabbed my waste and turned me around… Bending me over the desk… “spread your legs…” she demanded… And on a whimper I did. Impatiently she pushed my dress up over my waist and rocked against me in a way that set me on fire… “Daddy…” I started as I leaned up against her… Just for her to push me back down till I was tip toe… laying over the desk. “don’t move.” she ordered hotly as she touched me there… Her fingers sliding across my skin… Making me moan… Her fingers dipping into my moist heat… Coating them in my wetness. She slid one finger in… Rubbed it against that sweet spot that stiffened my spine. She slid another in and my whole body trembled. She wasn’t going too… “daddy?” I panted harshly again in question “spread your legs wider…” she demanded in response. My body acted on instinct… And my legs parted for her. She slid her fingers deep inside of my pussy… And I moaned… As she slid them out… my pussy clenched. She slides in a third finger… A fourth and suddenly I was alarmed… We’d never done this before… Not like this… I panted her name as she slid in… Then out… I tried to close my legs as I realized her intention… Gasping “baby I…” and suddenly she was inside of me. My body jerked with a flash of quick and unexpected pain. Her hand inside of my pussy up to the wrist. I gasped in an unexpected panic and pushed up against the desk panting “oh… No… Baby I…” and she shifted sliding out of my pussy then back in… “oooh…” I gasped… Back arching as I tried unsuccessfully to close my legs and shut her out… Daddy please… ” I moaned… Unsure of exactly what I was needing… Outside I heard thunder… She shifted her hand to turn a fraction… Sliding in… My breath in pants… My entire body shivering in response. “shhh…” she soothed… “take it bae… Just… Take It…” she groaned as she slid her hand inside of me in rhythm with her words… She moaned then… Fingers drenched in my wetness… Rubbing that sweet spot… And I moaned.. Long and low My head thrown back… Ass perched high as my legs tensed on my tip toes. “Bae…” she moaned sliding in… Shifting… my pussy gushing around her… Moan… Hers… Mine… Ours.
The sound she makes shattering me into a million pieces. And I come in wave after wave of sensation. Her breath harsh pants as she thrusts into me… Greedy… Almost violent.. Overwhelmed I scream…”Daddy please!” she shudders against me… Pressing her body against mine as I ride her… Or she rides me.., at this point I am lost. She moans again long and in a voice now hoarse with passion growls “shit…” Sliding in… And out of my pussy so hard and deep I forget to breathe… Draped over me now her teeth nipping my neck. Demanding… Needy… She slid in and out of my pussy faster…deeper… harder… claiming me in a way I’d never imagined… In a way I hadn’t known I needed. She shifted again inside of me… Her fingers stroking a spot I had never felt before and my body was wracked with sensation as I threw my ass back against her… I was on fire… I screamed as she shuddered against me on a long moan…. My pussy squirting in a way that was new and unfamiliar… Soaking us both as I came and came and came.. . “ohhh… Yes… DADDY… yes!!!” She kissed the side of my neck and whispered… ” Bae… You feel so good… I just need to…” and she shifted inside of me again… Stroking that new spot and I whimpered against her… Laid out on the desk with her on top of me… too weak to hold myself up. “damn…” she moaned again as my pussy clenched around her. She lay on top of me… Breathing harshly… Heart thundering against my back… Slowly flexing her fingers deep inside of me… My body bowed and bucked underneath her… As I flooded her again in a river as I came long… and hard. Panting she rode me through it… Flexing inside of me… Rubbing that new and sensitive spot. Starting again she growled in my ear… “you are mine…” And lord help me I moaned and came again screaming… “yes daddy… Yes! I am yours!”
– Nova
Sunday’s Good Morning…
This morning I got up early and went for a swim… I needed to clear my head. What I intended to be a quick swim turned into an hour… Two… Three. She was asleep when I left the room, how I envied her that… Sleep. Last night I sat at the window looking out at the ocean… Watching the moon move across the sky as the waves crashed against the side of our cruise ship…
Listening to the sound of her light breathing. No rest for the weary. As I finally climbed out of the pool I looked up at the sky… No clouds anywhere… Its probably approaching noon. I stood under the poolside shower rinsing off contemplating the possibility of her being awake and shrugged… Most likely she was still asleep. This was her first vacation in a long time, and she fought me on it… Reluctant to leave the stresses of her job as usual. Shaking my head I decide to visit the sauna I strip and wrap a towel around my body and sit down on the high bench…the extreame heat instantly drenching me in a light sheen of sweat. I take one deep breath… Two… Three… Inhaling the steam rising from the heated coals in the corner… And finally feel the tension draining from my body.
Its probably over… Our relationship… I had hoped this trip would remind us of our love for each other… Maybe rekindle our passion.. At the very least remind us we were once friends. We haven’t touched each other in months. I breathe in deeply… The steam settling my nerves… Purging my system of all thought. My eyes close as I begin the steps to meditation. Inhale… Collect all unsettling thoughts. Exhale… Purge. Inhale… Collect all tensions. Exhale… Purge. Inhale… I miss her. Exhale… I’m losing her. Then I have it… That moment of crystal clarity. My mind is blissfully blank… And finally… Peace. I sit this way for a time… Silent… Still… Mind in a rare state of quiet. I breathe in the hot air… Feel the moisture slide down my face… My arms… My neck… My breasts, Suddenly I sense I’m not alone. My eyes remain closed as I focus on my breathing… I want more than anything to hold onto the peace for a little while longer. Inhale… Breathe in her scent. Exhale… Release the peace with some regret. I open my eyes and she stands there… Watching me. Her expression tired and possibly predatory. I know that look. Something is either on her mind to hash out… Or she wants me.
I sigh and pat the bench next to me… She doesn’t want me anymore… So we would hash it out. She sits instead to my right on the bench below me and pulls her knees up to her chest. She’s wearing an over-sized bathrobe that makes her look like a child… Adorable. “how did you know where to find me?” I ask. She quickly swipes at the sweat gathering on her forehead and says “you mentioned the sauna last night.” ahh… So she was paying attention for once, “I woke up and you weren’t there…” and there it was… An old argument. I watched her face closely, trying to figure out what type of conversation this was going to be. These days she spoke at me… Like one would a dimwitted child. Oh how I hate that… And she knows it. I close my eyes and focus on the rise and fall of her voice… Lightly accusatory, but no condescension, “I couldn’t sleep, I was restless and didn’t want to wake you.” I said quietly “You used to be able to sleep with me…” she whispered so low I almost didn’t hear it. My eyes snapped open and I searched her face, “you used to reach for me.” I answered just as low. She sighed and took a deep breath, hugging her knees. “You used to reach for me too,” she answered. I watched her for a time, face flushed from the heat… Eyes alert. “I used to feel safe.” I answered. Her face changed then… Suddenly she was angry… “I used to feel like your hero,” she growled back. Now I was confused, “you never stopped being my hero.” I quickly responded. Her lips curled in the way they do when she doesn’t believe what someone is telling her. “You don’t talk to me anymore…” she ground out, definitely accusatory. “You talk to me like I’m stupid.” I answer simply. Her face is priceless… Eyes suddenly round as saucers, “Baby I don’t think you’re stupid. You know I don’t think you are stupid” she denied softly. “I know you don’t think it… But you talk to me like you do…” I answer just as softly.
We sit in silence for a time. We both believe apologies are mostly useless… Its the act.., the behavior that needs to be corrected. “I guess sometimes… It feels like you think you’re smarter than me…” she whispered, resting her cheek on her knees, looking away from me. Hmm… This is news to me. I lean forward and slide my hand into her hair. “Baby… You are the most brilliant person I know.” I whisper in her ear. She gives a surprised laugh, then turns her face on her knees to face me as she grabs my hand, “You must know some ignorant people then…” she says smiling. I smile back and say, “You keep me on my toes… And yes… I do know some ignorant folks.” She kisses the palm of my hand and looks up at me… With an expression of such longing it steals all the breath from my lungs. It feels like forever since she looked at me like this. “Baby, I miss you…” I whisper… Barely audible… My eyes blurred with sudden tears. She’s quiet for a time… Watching me closely. I look away and I try to pull my hand away suddenly feeling vulnerable… Exposed. She holds on tight, “I miss you too,” she says… Her voice breaking. My head whips around to look at her, my eyes moving over this face I know as well as my own. I love this woman so much it hurts. Her eyes shine with unshed tears as well. Shaking my head I whisper “I’m right here…” Her nostrils flare and her eyes darken…taking on that predatory glow… Hmm… Could it be she wants me?
I sit up and she watches me… Like a wolf with prey… Her eyes following a bead of sweat as it slides down my neck… Over my collar bone… And finally between my breasts.., and my breath quickens, Suddenly I’m wet… And wanting. “Come here…” she grinds out… not a request… A demand. The instant instinct to wrap myself around her in response… But I pause. “Baby…” she says steel in her voice now, no longer a demand… Now a warning.. my pussy throbs in response. I stay put, indecisive… It can’t be that simple… Can it? A misunderstanding… A small conversation… And suddenly she wants me again? Skepticism takes over me and I sit back. Unwilling to bend to her will. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I don’t believe she really wants me. She makes a sound, guttural and low… The kind an animal makes before charging… And suddenly she is standing… her hands on my face. “Look at me!” definitely a command… One I can’t ignore. I open my eyes and look into hers… We are inches apart… She’s flushed… And I ache for her She leans closer to me and I breathe in her scent. Then her lips are on mine… Demanding, relentless.,. And our tongues dance in a way they haven’t for a long long time. Her lips never leaving mine she presses herself between my thighs… Pulling my towel away. Her hands reach up to flick my nipples and I moan in surprise, wrapping my legs around her waist… Pulling her closer to me. Her robe has fallen open and I glory in the feel of her skin slick with sweat…. Rubbing against mine. Her hand slowly slides down my body toward my hip… The sound of a nearby door closing and approaching footsteps break the spell for me. I wrench my lips from hers gulping in air as she rests her forehead against mine. She is breathing heavily when I ask her, “Do you want to go for a swim?” She closes her eyes and steps back trying to regain control. I quickly wrap the towel around myself as the door opens. Her back is to the door and she watches me… Eyes hot.., biting her lip and nods as she ties her robe. We make our way to the locker room and change into swim suits… In silence.., careful not to touch.
I rush ahead and dive into the pool, hoping it will cool me off and provide clarity. I swim to the edge… The deeper end and surface… Leaning back against the edge I wipe water out of my eyes. She’s suddenly there in front of me… I never even heard her get into the pool. She braces both arms around me and I’m trapped. Her lips meet mine again, this time with a bruising intensity. My arms and legs wrap around her in need. She stands in front of me and plunges her hands down into the water… Down over my hips… Taking my bikini bottoms with them. Ohh… And there it is… Her hands on my heated flesh… Her fingers roll around my clit and I am suddenly blinded by a wave of need so great my heart skips a beat.Her fingers slide over my slick center and suddenly she’s inside of me… One finger… Two… Gliding in and out so fast I can’t catch my breath… Three… Then four… Oh no… Oh no… “Daddy…” I pant out… I’m begging now… Begging her to stop… Or keep going… I’m not sure. Then she’s inside me… Her hand… Up to the wrist… I moan long and deep… My body shudders wildly as she Slides in… Then out… In then out… Rubbing on that sweet spot that starts an instant flood over her fingers. My pussy clenches as I’m forced to ride her hand.
She pulls her lips from mine and buries her face in my neck… Teeth nipping at the tender skin there. My nails claw into her back as she turns her hand a fraction and slides out… I moan in response. Her hand turns another fraction and slides in… Rubbing that sweet spot… And I moan… Low… As my body flies apart around her. My head snaps back… My nails dig deeper into her back as my pussy clenches… Sliding in… Turn… my pussy gushes around her… Moan… Hers this time… Not mine. The sound she makes sends me over the edge… And I come in a never ending wave… violently… Overwhelmed with tears in my eyes…”Daddy please!” I scream and she shudders on a long moan… Sliding in…. Turn… Her lips find mine again. Demanding… Needy… Sliding out… Turn… My pussy is on fire. “Look at me…” she moans… I’m panting now… Trying to regain some balance… Oooh it feels so good. “Look… At… Me!” a command this time… And I look into her eyes. Slide in… Harder… “I love you.” she pants heavily. Slide out… Turn… Rubbing that sweet spot, “I love you Daddy…” I pant… Slide in… Harder… “Damn… I can’t.., I’m sorry…” she moans… slide out…. Turn… “Mmm… Daddy..” I moan back… She nips at my shoulder and growls… “God I’ve missed this… Being inside you.” slide in… “Daddy please… Please… PLEASE!” I writhe against her… Clenching… slide out. “Oh God… I love you…” slide in… hard… “I love you… I love you” another gush.., and my pussy greedily throbs around her and I shatter into a million pieces all over again… And she moans as her body is wracked with sensation. And then she kissed me… Our lips coming together with a bruising intensity… Mmmmy body lay limp… She kissed my face… The sweet spot on my neck… Her teeth nipping my skin. My breath was ragged as I felt the slight flex of her shift deep inside of me… My nails involuntarily digging into her back. “Daddy….” I moaned… Long and soft…. Mmm… And she started moving again… And my pussy pulsed in time to her rhythm.. A new gush slicking her finger as sensation engulfed me in waves…. I guess we were making up for lost time.
– Nova
Mutual…
So I’ve met someone…
She’s an intellectual… razor sharp brilliance… quick wit… silly sense of humor… and a sing song voice with an accent that washes over you like cool mist on hot summer day. SMH makes me want to push her up against a wall.
She tells me “You are beautiful” and she means it… really means it… changed my perspective. I tend to tune this out… people say it as easily as “Hello”. It has no real meaning anymore… no real value… but when its said by someone who believes it… when its heartfelt… a healing takes place… a healing you weren’t even aware of needing.
She accepts me as I am… no questions asked… no requirements… the only expectation being honesty and genuine affection…she’s reshaped my thinking. I’m putting in the work to be the best possible version of myself. She’s pleased with me as I am… and cheering on whatever progress I strive to make.
So I’ve met her … someone who thinks I’m lovely… smart… spiritual… inspirational… the possibilities are endless…
An intellectual… we talk about everything… and nothing… and when she laughs… my spirit takes flight. I never realized how important that was to me… the ability to make a lover LAUGH. So I try to do it well… and often… hmmm… make that woman laugh.
She tells me “You are beautiful” and she means it… really means it… when I was heavier… she didn’t mind it… while I’m losing weight… she’s supportive. No expectations… no requirements. I never realized that was important… someone who could look at me… and see me… really see me… past the hair… makeup… heels and yes past the weight… a lover who sees me … all of me… and just… WANTS ME… come what may.
She accepts me as I am… now this… this is new… I’ve never looked for this before in a potential love. ACCEPTANCE… she makes me feel like she’s wrapped around me… ready to comfort… ready to defend… ready for anything. It’s amazing.
She’s different … different from anyone I’ve met… different from what I’m used to and She’s analyzing everything… lol now that is a comfort… good to know I’m not the only one being watchful.
Everything has a beginning… and we never know what the end will bring… either way… I’m glad I met her… and her timing is poetic.
I’m being cautious… and taking things one day at a time… and I like her…. She says the feeling is mutual. She tells me she appreciates me… I touch her spirit… and I tell her… the feeling is mutual.
Thank you SM
– Nova
Dancing in the Rain…
When we lived in Florida (Hurricane central) the thunderstorms were brutal… heavy rain… heavy lightening… and I would always ended up outside during the craziest storms. My mom thought I was nuts and I was ALWAYS in trouble for it. One weekend we went to an Indian reservation (still in Florida I think it was the Seminole Tribe) an old toothless woman took one look at me over a barrel of jewelry pointed her finger in my face and said “Oh child… you… (wagging her finger in my face) YOU are a Rain Walker!”
Where the love affair began: when we lived in Queens (where I was born)… my sister left me alone with them one summer… with my parents. It was one of those odd times between relatives staying with us. I’m not sure how old I was… I just know it was sometime after 5 and before 9 years of age. I spent that summer alone… bored and entertaining myself. I had imaginary friends… Dukes of Hazard and Woody Woodpecker were my favorite shows (Woody was my first husband by the way lol) and I explored our yards… front… back and side.
She was spending the summer at a friend’s older sister’s house (and her husband). Thinking on it now that in and of itself was odd… considering my mom never let us go ANYWHERE, but she didn’t mind these visits… it wasn’t the first time my sister went. Someplace deep in Spring Valley (Upstate New York)… Someplace far away from my parents… someplace far away from me. You see back in those days we didn’t get along my sister and I… AT ALL. She didn’t get along well with my dad either… which I think is the real reason my mother agreed to these extended visits. I think she wanted some peace in the house even if it was only for a little while… and those two? My dad and my sister? They fought and fought and fought like cats and dogs… my sister and I fought and fought and fought… like wild animals… smh you would think the world was coming to an end.
So picture this… my dad was low key (very). He was rarely home… he just made it a point to make it in time for dinner. My mom would lock herself in her room all day and read… and read… and read… I believe this is where my affection for books started… standing quietly in the doorway of my parent’s bedroom watching ‘the most beautiful woman in the world’ (because that’s what moms are to their children) sitting up in bed… glasses perched on the edge of her nose… reading a book. So I entertained myself. These were the days prior to cell phones… the internet… and Facebook. My source for all things fun and adventurous was… wait for it… GOING OUTSIDE!!! Ha! Imagine that. I did EVERYTHING… I would sneak around the block… into neighbors yards… pet peoples dogs… play with strays… climb trees… climb the rain gutters onto the roof… dig up worms… make mud pies… ride my bike… play hop scotch… jump rope… fight with the neighborhood boys…sit on the front steps… watch cartoons (Silver Spoons, Punkie Brewster oh the list goes on and on) climb in and out of the side window… harass the other people who lived in the house (it was a three family home) … pretty much anything I could think of… anything that I could DREAM of. I was a GOONIE! Fearless and curious… and mischievous and FUN. The template for all children… at least back then.
The rain started one sunny afternoon… we had a stretch of more than a week of weather of 90 degrees. I remember the grass was beginning to scorch and the branches of ‘Mr. Magick Tree’ (also known as the huge tree at the side of the house) were turning hard and brittle… most unsuitable for climbing. I was tying a rope to a high branch on the tree… I had an idea… I was making a swing. Lord was I excited… funny what excites a little mind. I remember clearly looking upward, standing on my tippy toes reaching high above me trying to tie a knot… and the rain started… catching me right in the eyes. The heavens opened up and God let loose on the summer. There hadn’t been any reports of rain and when the sudden storm started the sun was still shining. Those are the weirdest… heavy rain in sunshine and no clouds.
My little foot slipped as I tried to wipe the water from my eyes. I hugged the tree trunk close while I looked out over our neighborhood; the house across the street had been painted white the day before… from yellow to a bright white. I was fascinated. All of my adventures were technically on my block… I would go all the way around from one end… to the other. I hadn’t graduated to crossing the street yet. I was still afraid of the cars… big zooming monsters that could smash my little self like a bug. I would make my way over there… eventually.
I listened to an unseen dog barking in the distance and sighed… the day was a bust… time to go in and watch TV. So I shimmied my way down the tree trunk being extra careful as the rain made everything slick and hard to grasp. I was reckless lol but I didn’t want to fall out of that tree (I wasn’t supposed to be in… in the first place) and wind up having my mom beat my azz. The climb felt like it took forever… I only realized I was holding my breath when my feet touched the ground. As I steadied myself I looked up at the tree… the rope/unfinished swing and sighed… now this was a storm. As I turned to head back into the house the thunder started.
It rained like that for 2 weeks. I remember going mad cooped up in the house, my mother refused to let me play outside “Its RAINING!!! YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT THERE TO GET SICK!!” she would screech at the top of her lungs as only a mother can lol. That felt like the longest 2 weeks of my little life. The sky had darkened to a perpetual dark gunmetal grey… the sun was nowhere to be found. Some days thunder and lightning… other days just thunder… other days just lightning… but most days… just heavy rain.
We were all going stir crazy. My dad had started coming home earlier due to the weather… and this annoyed my mom to no end. I remember how her lips would pucker and she would look at the clock grumbling under her breath when he started that lol. On this one day in particular he walked into the house glassy eyed… (who am I kidding he looked a lil crazy… just a lil bit lol) and demanded to know where dinner was. This of course irritated my mom… as he was interrupting her reading… something I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO DO. So we sat down to dinner… early.
“Where is your bathing suit?” my dad asked me around a mouth full of food. “In my room Papi,” I answered hesitantly… with my dad you could never be sure if it was a trick question or not. “Go put it on” he said around a new mouthful of food. I looked over at my mom; she just shrugged and rolled her eyes. So I got up and walked out of the kitchen… “You too…” I heard him say to my mom as I raced to my room… we never kept my dad waiting. When I emerged from my room a few minutes later my mom was waiting for me by the back door… in her bathing suit… with a shower cap on her head. “Come here.” She said opening a fresh package as I made my way over to her. She placed a brand new shower cap on my head just as my dad came out of their bedroom… wearing swim trunks.
My dad went into the bathroom and came back out carrying towels and 2 bars of soap. “Papi? What are you doing?” I asked him shyly… that’s how I talked to my dad… shyly… very quietly kind of like you would to a wild animal you were concerned about spooking. My dad was easily spooked and turned mean whenever he was. He started laughing and dancing in place “We are going to take a bath in the rain!” He announced while opening the back door. I looked up at my mom who was standing right beside me… again she shrugged and just rolled her eyes… but as I realized I would be OUTSIDE!!!! In the RAIN! I was suddenly excited… and in the ways of children my body vibrated with it and I smiled… and smiled… and smiled.
So we went single file down the steps toward the door that lead outside… and my dad placed the towels on the bottom step, handed a bar of soap to my mom and broke the other one in half handing me the smaller piece. “Ready?” he asked and as I nodded excitedly he threw open the back door and began his crazy laugh that always made me giggle,”Ha … ha… ha… hiiii! Ha… ha… ha… hi!” smh thinking back on it now I believe that man was one crayon short of a whole set. We stood there briefly looking out into the storm.
It was mid-day… dark… overcast… warm with high winds and we scattered. My dad went left my mom and I went right. I ran around the yard happily… so excited to finally be back outside. I slid in the grass… rolled around… belly flopped into puddles… the works. Then I looked for my parents. Both of them were standing under rain gutters at opposite ends of the yard, soap in hand… just washing away. So I looked for another gutter… this one was tucked close to ‘Mr. Magick Tree’ and I stood under the deluge. The water was cold… relentless and took my little breath away.
I took that bar of soap and began scrubbing… I watched as the mud, leaves and grass fell away from my little body. I jumped up and down… I broke out into song… I was HAPPY. In the midst of that happiness I looked out at our neighborhood wondering if we were being watched (and not caring in the way children don’t lol). I stood under that cold spray and breathed in the rain… this felt right… like coming home. I bent at the waist and looked for my parents… both still immersed in their own private waterfall… that’s what it felt like… our private storm… and our private waterfalls.
This is my most cherished memory of my parents together. They weren’t warm and fuzzy together… to be honest they barely got along… but on THIS day… we did something together… something FUN. With no arguments… no yelling… no walking on egg shells… and most importantly ME not getting SMACKED IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD (as dear old dad was want to do). This is something I know I want to do with my future children… play in the rain… as a family. To wrap them in my love… wrap them in God’s love and wrap them in the love of their other parent. That’s what rain has always been for me… a physical manifestation of God’s love. *shrugs* (yes I know I’m a weirdo lol)
That was the first time… or the first memory I have of feeling a complete and perfect peace. Rain still does that for me… till this day I will go sit out on the back steps during a rain storm… sometimes with a glass of wine… sometimes something else ;-). Sometimes I go for a walk… most times Ely is with me… some not. Feels like a communion… practically the only times I feel like God is speaking directly to my spirit. I’ve laughed in the rain… cryed in the rain… kissed in the rain… danced in the rain… and I’ve loved every minute of it.
– Nova
