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Plan B…
You know how you have an idea of what your life is supposed to be? I wanted to buy a house, go to culinary school, get married, have babies, open a restaurant and finish one of the 7 books I’ve started writing. Yet somehow I’ve ended up a semi corporate drone, an ANALYST of all things finding and saving money for someone else. Curious turn of events…
You know since I came out I’ve had nothing but one man after another in my face. I have relatives trying to ‘fix me up’, just a mess.
I was at the movies with a ‘Stud’ friend standing on line to get popcorn and the second she steps out of line to answer her cell the guy behind me whispers “you’re cute… “
I was at baseball game with a ‘TomBoi’ friend and the man she was sitting next to kept winking at me over her shoulder… and every time she got up he had something to say (and given the fact that the game was HOURS long he had a LONG time to play around smh) When ol girl got up to go get a beer he leans over and says “this your first game… she explaining things right?” He leans over her empty seat at another point and closes his eyes and takes a long sniff at me and says “Damn… you smell good.” (Which in and of itself was hilarious because the dude sitting on the OTHER side of me said the same thing a few minutes prior). At another point when ol girl was at a bathroom run he gets up to go do something so I politely get up to let him pass, as he slides in front of me he pauses to look me flush in the face and whispers “you are so freakin pretty… oh my God” and shakes his head as he continues walking (LMAO). Now he was sweet, shared his peanuts with us… and was VERY chatty with her through the whole game… all the while grinning at me and WINKING over her shoulder… (too funny).
In both cases maybe we were friends…maybe we were an item, maybe we weren’t in any case THEY had no way of knowing for sure one way or the other. Every time I run into this I feel like the behavior is just… well.. weird… a lil disrespectful… but mostly… just weird.
I went out to dinner last week with an obviously aggressive woman and the second she gets up to go to the restroom a man comes over to ‘just say hello’… clearly we are on a date. (I think hand holding at the table, the light stolen kisses and the icky icky goo goo eyes are a major tell… don’t you?) Just disrespectful all around smh and when I stated I’m not interested… his answer? “Oh I’m sorry, just thought you’d like to have a compliment from a man” … WTF?
Honestly speaking my life would be soooo much easier if I just nodded and agreed when my ex-boyfriend called me up and suggested we ‘rekindle’. Truth be told… I think men in general are gross and smell like a combination of feet and bologna… and I’m so serious. There is nothing appealing to me about the idea of living out the rest of my life surrounded by ‘man odor’ sweaty balls… dirty guy socks (eeeeew). Of course I know there is more to men than that but… I’m not a fan. I think they are inherently callous, grasping and disrespectful (of course I’ve just recently been educated… there are women in men’s clothing that have that in them as well IJS). Sorry… I can’t walk the straight line… just can’t do it. *shrugs*
So I want children… I’m set on that, haven’t pinned down if I want a relationship lol but I def want children. Single lesbian + men make me nauseous = ADOPTION (ding ding ding). Now I have no interest in having a baby while single so an older child makes sense… but I’ve recently admitted with my current job… and lack of support… it’s not in the cards… and that was just devastating. Add to that new pressure at work… the great reveal of a thieving master manipulator in my life, the death of my baby kitty and a major light bulb going off regarding what I want out of life.
Its time for me to leave, I’ve lived in a 3 family house in suburbs of Hollis Queens…
A single family home with a swimming pool, circular driveway and 4 car garage on Embassy Blvd. two different luxury apartment complexes with gym an pool in Miramar Florida…
Dyckman Street Projects and a 1 bedroom apartment on Vermilyea Ave Uptown Manhattan…
A luxury apartment complex with tennis court, onsite daycare, gym, and swimming pool in Maple Shade, a virtual hell hole apartment in Stratford, NJ… all before the age of 18.
At 19 I ran for my life… took my life into my own hands and moved to MY first apartment in West Philadelphia, 2 bedrooms, fully furnished. Damn I was excited.
At 22 I packed up my things and came back to NYC. Since then I’ve lived in a Bedstuy Brownstone, a 1 bedroom apartment on 150th and Broadway, a luxury 2 bedroom apartment in a newly constructed 2 family home, a luxury glorified studio apartment and my current ‘ramshackle fixer upper’ in Jersey City. My mom calls me a nomad and I tell her “I will keep moving till I find the place I’m supposed to be.”
Right now… yeah… it’s time to go again.
So I’m on Plan B Status: Marriage, relationships? Not for me, just one disappointment after another (I don’t like being disrespected) and new friendships and romantic entanglements are a circus of disrespectful monkeys. So yeah… I’m good lol. No time for relationship BS and I have THE BEST, AWESOME and AMAZING friends… we’re always there for each other, we laugh together, cry together, hold each other up when things are bad and are each other’s personal cheer leaders (so yeah I’m spoiled… I don’t need new friends lol). Having made peace with these things… I’m actively working to rearrange my life so I can work more for myself…
I’m doing more makeup jobs… I’m a makeup artist.
I’m back to Plus Modeling… I hate runway lol.
I’m writing again… books will be finished come Hell or High-water.
I’m doing graphic arts again… and building websites.
I’ll be enrolling in culinary school… I will open that restaurant.
I will adopt my babies… and I’ll be moving… YET again…
I’m almost in the position to buy my house… moving out of state will DEF speed that up!
Mmmm moving… I’m thinking someplace warm… maybe ATL… (I’ve never been… its on my ‘to do’ list)
Or someplace eclectic…maybe Toronto… (love… love… love it there)
Or someplace rainy… maybe Seattle… (mmmm love me some rain)
I’m still figuring things out but I’ve never been afraid to blaze my own trail. Plan B is currently brewing… and will be put into action…
To quote (well…’she’ knows who she is lol)
“Sh*t just got REAL”.
LMAO… I love it.
POW!
– Nova
On relationships…
There should be flowers… just because…
There should be touches… just for you…
There should be kisses… just for now…
There should be poetry… just so you know…
There should be wild hot monkey sex…
Well…
Do we really need a reason for wild hot monkey sex?
For O
– NovaCSA
Even when she gets on my nerves…
My most recent ex sent me a card… an oversized greeting card… filled with declarations of love and affection. The card was 12” wide and 24” long.
While the relationship was a roller coaster ride of chaos and the break up was messy… dramatic and painful she’s still left an impression. In her words “I handled my business”.
SMH…
In the rare times when there was no fighting… she was a genuine sweetheart… spoiled me… and treated me like a lady.
Relationships run their course… people move on… she was the genuine article and I’m glad we’ve managed a friendship… when we get along lol. I appreciate her, even when she gets on my nerves.
Now if she and her ‘current’ could just get it together the world would be a better place :-*
Forget me not…
I wrote this about a month ago when I was feeling kind of… well pissed off. I forgot to post this and just found it on my computer… I’m no longer in that angry place, the circumstances have just taught me that I obviously don’t read people well. I take it on faith that people mean what they say and I need to be more careful about the people I invite into my life. I was naïve… stupid really. Totally my fault… but this pretty much still applies, especially the last few lines.
**************************************
Please forget me…
For every woman You’ve dated… adored… and treated You like garbage…
For that woman You gave your heart to…the one You can’t get over… the one that was a bit of an asshole…
You say…
“I’ve been neglected, abused, and mistreated…I bring a lot to the table…”
I’m a sweetheart… I’m a catch… ”
Take a moment to acknowledge some simple life truths…
For some unfortunate women in the world… YOU are that one… the one handing out trash…
For some unfortunate women in the world… YOU are that ASSHOLE…
Random phone calls, emails, texts in moments when You aren’t being entertained… when the object of Your affection is callous…
No bueno…
Forget me not? Just… forget me.
There are those that bring nothing to the table … and still manage to give more than You…
You walk around cocky… prideful… and with no consideration or care for someone else’s hurts…
Bask in the glow ‘Precious’… but remember that age old adage “You reap everything you sow…”
Pretending to be someone You aren’t..
Treating a handful of people well…
Doesn’t make you a good person.
Take a long look in a mirror… and think about the ones long gone… the ones who believed in You… appreciated YOU as a person…
Reciprocity… NO. They were discarded… You disposed of them… like used toilette tissue.
Forget me not? Please… forget me.
It’s not OK to waste another person’s time… it’s NEVER OK to use someone to make You feel good…
“It’s Your birthday? So what.
You need some help? Eat sh*t.
You’re having a bad day? Go f*ck Yourself.
I am so sorry I’m not worthy of Your self proclaimed GREATNESS.
Perhaps You could take a moment to step down off of that unreasonably high pedestal You’ve built…
Choosing not to return a phone call, or an email… or a text message… because You’re too much of a PUSSY to say…
“Hey… I’m kinda done with you… I don’t wanna be friends… I was never serious about being friends…”
or… “I’m just not interested…”
Doesn’t erase Your shitty behavior…
Doesn’t change who You’ve revealed Yourself to be…
Forget me not? No…please… forget me.
I’ll volunteer some of my simple truths…
Even though YOU think You’re awesome…
Even though everyone currently in Your life may think You are a great…
The fact that I believe You are a Piece of Shit Person… means YOU are a Piece of Shit Person…
Because YOU are a Piece of Shit… TO ME.
That’s YOUR legacy… GOOD JOB.
Funny… out of everyone I’ve ever met…
Man… Woman… Frog…
You are by far the biggest disappointment… a User… Manipulator and a Common Thief…
My biggest failing…a terrible judgment of character on my part… You’re a vampire…
In the end just like a man… Worse actually … just DISGUSTING.
Like a brain addled addict in rehab… I’m taking the necessary steps…
Ignore, Block, Delete, Number change…
Forget me not? Please… Please… Please.. forget me.
For my part…
I WISH I’D NEVER MET YOU.
– Nova CSA
She…
She’s sleeping… breath deep and slow…
Inhale…
Exhale…
Long… and low…
I lay next to her and memorize every detail of her face…
Her lips part on a sigh and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… calm and quiet… in a way she doesn’t allow herself when she’s awake…
She’s sleeping… breath deep and slow…
Inhale…
Exhale…
Long… and low…
I press my lips to hers imprinting the depth of my affection…
Her lips part on a moan and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… aroused and on fire… in the way that makes me moist…
She’s awake… clarity returns…
Inhale…
Exhale…
Long… and low…
I slide my thigh over… and shift her under… mmm you feel so good baby…
She arches her back pressing my spot against hers… and my breath catches…
I press my breasts against hers… my nipples twin peaks of pure sensation…
Forward…
Back…
Long… and low …
Her lips part on a command for more… and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… forceful and demanding… in the way that makes my secret center throb…
She’s awake… mmm… Daddy’s home…
Forward…
Back…
Long… and low
I glide my tongue over her collar bone… that tender spot… and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… dark… goddess… lips catching mine in a kiss that is hungry…
She’s awake… hands tangled in the sheets as I press my lips to her inner thigh…
Up…
Down…
Slick… and slow…
Her lips open in invitation…wet… and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… hot… spiced… my tongue rubbing her on the inside…
She’s awake… fingers tugging my hair… Trembling… wanting…
Up…
Down…
Slick… and slow…
I memorize her essence… my lips wrapped around her clit…… every nuance of her taste…
Her lips part on a sigh and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… aroused and on fire… in the way that makes me moist…
She’s alive… breath deep and slow…
Inhale…
Exhale…
Long… and low…
I suck on her clit imprinting the depth of my affection…
Her lips part on a moan and my heart… thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… aroused and on fire… in the way that makes me moist…
She’s alive… out of control… unraveled…
Inhale…
Exhale…
Long… and low…
I press my lips to hers imprinting the depth of my affection…
Her lips part on a moan and my heart… thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… bathed in pure sensation… moaning… moaning…
She’s alive… bliss…
Inhale…
Exhale…
Long… and low…
I slide my finger into her… and shift my tongue over her… damn you taste so good baby…
She arches her back pressing her spot against my stroke… and my breath catches…
I press my tongue against her clit… hard a solitary peak of pure sensation…
Forward…
Back…
Long… and low …
Her lips part on a command for more and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… forceful and demanding… in the way that makes my secret center throb…
She’s alive… mmm… Daddy’s cumming…
Forward…
Back…
Long… and low
I glide my tongue over her clit … rub that tender spot… and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… dark… goddess… lips clenching around my finger in a kiss that is hungry…
She shatters… a million little pieces of heated rapture…
Up…
Down…
Slick… and slow…
She floods me with her bliss…wet… and my heart thumps… and thumps…
She’s beautiful… hot… spiced…
Cum again Daddy…
My tongue rubbing her on the inside…
Cum again Daddy…
I swallow her pride…
Cum again Daddy…
Her hips snap forward then back…
And when her body takes flight with a deep shuddering groan
I cum with her…
Because her JOY…
Is just that f*cking good…
– Nova CSA
Hmmm…
I just read this and it speaks my heart right now…
“I don’t miss YOU…
I miss the person you pretended to be…
So don’t get it twisted…
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.”
YES! Isn’t that a gem?
Amazing the impression some people choose to leave with those who bothered to treat them well.
Hmmm…
When that karma finally makes it’s way to find you… its gonna burn like Lightning… (shrugs)
Enjoy it Boo. :-*
Understanding…
People can only relate to that which they are capable of understanding…
Understanding is LOVE…
So…Every Day and Every Night…
I try to understand.
– NovaCSA
What really grinds my gears…
It never fails… disagree with someone and their point of view on
Religion…
Politics…
Sex…
Or even FOOD and you can be sure…
The conversation will go down in flames.
Seemingly normal, intelligent people turn
Combative…
Abusive…
And the expression of their point of view turns insulting.
If you are incapable of having a grown-up, intelligent conversation about any of the afore mentioned topics…
Without turning into a bully…
STOP YOURSELF!
Go sit down… and let the grown folks talk.
-NovaCSA
Noah …
June 18, 2012 to September 6, 2012
I loved you for such a small little while…
You came into our lives with a bang, a bundle of energy and adventure…
You kept us all on our toes…
To Jolie you are Baby Noah…
To my mom you are… Little Bit.. and Baby Cat
To me you are just… My Little One… My Baby…
Its funny how easily and how fast pets become a part of us…
Vital and necessary…
Today with every breath my heart is breaking…
Thank you for the love you gave me.
I’ll love you always… goodbye sweetling :-*
Under Construction…
Calm...
Humble...
Patient...
Doing the best I can...
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